ramblings

(Sorry no new recipes this post.)

I was hanging out on my favorite forums (the nest on FB) and someone posted a link that dares you not to cry. So I thought I'd share it here...
http://www.wimp.com/coupleromance/

It's so very sweet. In my line of work I deal with cancer on a daily basis. So I couldn't help but think of some of the patient's we've taken care of and their relationships with their loved ones.

Sam and I are approaching our 1 year wedding anniversary this Labor Day weekend. I'm so lucky that God has blessed me with such a wonderful companion with which to share my life. This first year has flown by so fast. We've seen our fair share of rough days but the good days far out weight any bad ones we may have had. I look forward to (God willing) the many years ahead with Sam by my side.

I've been trying to come up with some good ideas of how to spend our first anniversary. It's harder than I thought. I'd like it to be memorable and yet not too expensive. One idea I've thought about was heading to some of our "first" spots we've shared over the past 8 years of our relationship. But whatever we decide to do will be documented in a journal that we will use every year to record how we spent the day and it will include a current picture of the 2 of us. I also plan to take on a small project. Sam and I did not save the top tier of our wedding cake (in fact it didn't make it past the 1st week. LOL). So I will attempt to make a replica layer of our wedding cake. Only difference will be the cake flavors. Sam and I both wanted chocolate cake with banana filling but the cake people didn't recommend it (said it wouldn't freeze well. We should have never listened to them) so we're going to have it in this cake. :)

This weekend has been pretty eventful. A co-worker of mine (who's wedding I attended last year) gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! Baby's name has yet to be determined. She wasn't due till our anniversary date actually so she's a couple of weeks early. I'm very happy for her and her husband!

Here's the trouble...I wish it were Sam and I welcoming a new baby to the family. Ever since Claire was a baby herself I've wanted another baby but knew the time wasn't right. The next baby would be done in the right order. All my ducks would be in a row, so to speak. Well now, happily married and officially trying to conceive since January, the cards are not playing out the way I'd like. I used to think God was mocking me...now I'm convinced he down right dislikes me. I must have done something to piss him off. On a daily basis I feel like I'm surrounded by pregnant women. Every other day it seems another girl announces she's expecting "and they weren't even trying!" Ugh gag me. When people find out that we've been trying for this long with no success they try to make it better with "It will happen" or "Don't try" I despise both of those phrases. How do you not try?? It consumes my daily thoughts. My doctor tells me to come back closer to September/October time and they'll do some blood work up. In the mean time I just keep getting to experience the frustration of month after month of negative pregnancy tests.

I could go on about this topic forever, but I won't. I'll leave it at that. I just wish God would answer this one prayer for me.